This letter is hard for me to begin writing because I don’t even know where to start with you.
I want to write this to you today as some form of thank you and an apology for this journey we’ve been on together.
It’s been a crazy one, especially for the past couple of years.
I’ve been awful to you, body.
I’ve hurt you, starved you, and hated you.
I’ve been so incredibly angry at you.
No matter what, I always thought you were never good enough.
I treated you so poorly. I got mad at you for things that were out of your control, out of our control.
I cried myself to sleep hoping that we would wake up looking different.
I wanted nothing more for than you to change.
But today I had a realization.
There is no reason for us to change.
While looking in the mirror I felt somewhat content in my own skin. I haven’t felt this way in nearly five years. It was a miraculous feeling.
Even when we were thinner, I still hated everything about you. I would always find something wrong, something not good enough. No matter your size it was never small enough.
But today was different.
I decided that I will hate you no more.
I will learn to love you and embrace all that you can do for me. You’re a powerful, magical being that deserves nothing more than unconditional love.
You deserve it.
With that, I wanted to apologize to you, body.
I’ve put you through hell and back time and time again. And each time, you stick by my side. You never abandon me.
I’ve deprived you of your basic needs and I’m sorry for that.
I wish I had never treated you poorly.
How amazing would it be for us, one day, to live harmoniously as one?
I’m deeply apologetic for all of the nasty comments I’ve said.
I’m sorry for the times I hit you and tried to rip off our skin. I intentionally destroyed you and I feel so sad for that.
I want nothing more than to take all of the negative back, to make it go away. I’ve hurt you and that’s something you’ll never forget.
I deprived you of food and sleep. I pushed you to the brink. I’m so sorry.
So, body, I’m sorry for the hell that I’ve put you through. I hope one day you can learn to forgive me.
And with all that, I wanted to thank you.
You’ve been amazing to me when I was nothing but nasty to you.
Body, you’re resilient. Regardless of what I’ve put you through you’ve never failed me and I’m beyond thankful for that.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to make it up to you, but I’ll damn sure try.
Thank you for all you do and for never giving up on me. When I lost all hope you were the one to hold on.
From here on out I pledge to try my hardest every day to love you.
I will appreciate you for everything you do for me. You give me a home, magical abilities, and most importantly you keep me alive.
Now I’m sure there are days when I won’t be the nicest to you, but I’m learning.
I hope one day to live hand-in-hand as one. I wish for us never to have extreme conflict again. I want more than anything to treat you with the respect that you deserve.
I favor certain parts of you more than others. I’ve always been quite fond of our legs, but never our stomach. And that’s not fair to you.
I will do my very best to treat all of our parts equally. Our stomach is just as amazing as our legs are. The same goes for our arms and face.
We’re perfect just the way we are.
From here forward I promise to honor your wishes. When you’re craving sugar, I’ll give it to you. If you’re tired I will allow you to sleep.
I will treasure you for all that you are. I will treat you with the utmost respect and try my hardest every day to love you a little more than the last.
There is nothing wrong with you, body. You’re an amazing being and I hope you never change.