It is difficult for me to start writing this post as I’m not exactly sure where to begin. It’s hard for me to put all of this into words and, honestly, I could write for days. There are endless possibilities of what I could thank you for, but I have to settle for a just few.
I am forever grateful for my family and friends who have supported me along this treacherous journey called recovery. So if you’re reading, this one’s for you.
First of all, thank you for opening my eyes to the severity of my disorder. I was so depressed and delusional that I did not realize how out of control my eating disorder was until you had said something, for the tenth time. It may have taken a few tries for me to actually listen to what you were saying, but I appreciate your perseverance and will to make me realize how chaotic my life had become. Without your continual nudging I don’t know where I would be today, but I can assure it would not be a good place. I’m forever grateful that you had said something to me and intervened because g-d knows I couldn’t have done it myself.
Thank you for helping to prepare me for treatment. As I packed up my bedroom at college, you were there right beside me offering to help in every which way. You wrote me notes, helped pick out what I was going to wear, and reassured me that I would not be the friendless loser in treatment. I was a nervous wreck but you made the transition so much easier, and that much harder to leave.
Thank you for taking the time to sit with me during, and after, my meals. It is kind of awkward at first, having someone sit and stare at you eating, but you have no idea how much it helps to have you there right along with me. It is as though we are fighting this battle together. You being there adds accountability for myself, plus it reminds me that I am not alone.
Thank you for asking if I’m okay even though I swore to you the first fifteen times I was, but you knew I was not. I’m a tough cookie, I realize that. I hate admitting that I’m not okay. But you keep asking until you’re sure I’ve told you the truth and it makes all the difference. You’ve slowly gotten me to open up and be honest about my struggles rather than hiding behind the “yes, I’m okay” and I can’t thank you enough.
Thank you for forgiving me for my mistakes. Mental illness is hard. It consumes your every being and you don’t even realize it. It strains your relationships and turns you into a monster. What’s important is that I have learned to recognize when things start to decline, so I can catch myself prior to my disorder consuming every waking moment of my life. And with that, I have the capability to know when I am in the wrong, even if it may have been my disorder talking. Regardless, the words still came out of my mouth, but you still forgave me.
And most importantly, thank you for being there for me. This journey hasn’t been easy but I’m grateful that you’ve stuck by my side. There aren’t enough thank you’s in the world but I’ll say it again just for good measure.